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12 April 2008

Some good jokes

No.l

An 80 year old man goes to his physician and informs him of his intention of marrying a girl who is 20 years old.
" Why do you want to marry her?" asked the doc.
"I want to have children from her" says the man.
The doc tells him that it is impossible at his age. The man left.
After about 6 months or so, the man comes back to the doc's office.
"Doctor, do you remember me coming to you and informing you of my intention to marry a 20 year old? And you had told me that at my age I can't have children?" Asked the old man.
The doc remembered.
"I want to tell you that I got married to the girl and she is now 5 months pregnant" proudly announced the man.
"Sir, let me tell you a story" said the doctor.
"There was this avid hunter" the doc said, "who used to go out to the jungle armed with only an umbrella. One day he came across a tiger. He took aim and shot the tiger dead with his umbrella."
"Impossible!" the old man exclaimed, "someone else must have shot the tiger"
"Exactly" said the doc.

No. 2

One man lost his umbrella. He was sure that he had not lost it but had misplaced it somewhere. He searched everywhere and racked his brains a lot, but couldn't remember where he had left his umbrella.
He was sad because it was his favourite umbrella. As he was walking on the road, deep in his misery, he saw a church. Impulsively he went in.
The sermon was going on and the days topic was '10 Commandments'. After the sermon was over, he went over to the priest.
"Father, I was sad when I came in. But after I listened to your sermon, my problem is resolved" He told the priest.
The priest was happy. "How was I instrumental in resolving your problem, my son?" he asked.
"Father I had misplaced my favourite umbrella. However hard I tried, I couldn't remember where I left it. Then I listened to your sermon. When you came to the 7th commandment, 'Thou shalt not commit adultry', I suddenly remembered where I left my umbrella." Informed the man.

No.3
Spanish mother was trifle peturbed on finding that her daughter was going to marry a french man. She has heard a lot about the abnormal sexual preferences of these horrible french men....
She decided to give her daughter some maternal advice.
" My dear, a time will come in your married life when your husband would want to do abnormal things. I want you to be careful about it and never agree to what he asks you to" she warned her daughter.
The daughter was confused. "How will I know if what he asks is abnormal or not?" she asked.
"Whenever your husband asks you to 'turn around' do not oblige him under any circumstances " the mother advised.
The daughter married her french boy friend and they lived happily for almost three years. Then one day the husband uttered those words...
"Turn around" he told her.
She remembered her mother's advice.
"No" she told.
"What do you mean 'no'? Turn around"
"No"
"Come on darling. Turn around. Don't you want any kids?" he asked
No. 4

Throughout his adult life, Jack suffered from one hell of a headache.

He went to sleep with a head ache, spent the night tossing and turning due to the headache, got up in the morning with a headache...

He went to a physician. The doc checked him and told him that he has identified the problem.

"And what is it?" asked Jack.

"The problem is that your balls are pressing against the back of your spine and that pressure is getting transferred to your head. That is why you have this severe headache." informed the doc.

"What can be done?" queried Jack.

"You have to get your balls removed. You have to undergo a testectomy."

Jack weighed his options. One one hand he has to spend the rest of his life with this terrible headache. On the other hand.....

He decided to go ahead with the operation.

Operation done, when Jack came out of Anaesthesia, he found that his head ache had miraculously disappeared.

As he came out of hospital, Jack felt a new man. For the first time in his adult life, he was feeling no headache. He felt like starting a new life. He got into a nearby departmental store to by a few necessities.

"What can I do for you, sir?" asked the helpful attendant in the DS.

"I want to buy a new shirt." informed Jack.

"Your size is 42" told the sales man

Jack was surprised. "How did you know?" he asked.

"That is my job" informed the SM.

Jack then wanted to buy a pair of trousers ("size 34" informed the sales man, "how did you know?" asked Jack, "that is my job" told the salesman), a pair of shoes ("size 8" informed the sales man, "how did you know?" asked Jack, "that is my job" told the salesman) and a pair of vests ("size 100" informed the sales man, "how did you know?" asked Jack, "that is my job" told the salesman).

Finally Jack wanted to buy an underwear.

" Your size must be 36" informed the sales man.

"There you are wrong" told Jack, "throughout my adult life I have been wearing size 32 underwears".

"You can't wear size 32" told the sales man.

"Why not?" queried Jack

"If you wear size 32 underwear, your balls will press against the back of your spine and the pressure will be transferred to your brain and you will get one hell of a headache." informed the Salesman.